A New Christmas Carol

Twas the night before Christmas
I was alone in my house
My computer was my company
It was not quiet as a mouse

Greetings poured forth
From friends from afar
Loving and uplifting
They kept me on par

As I sat at my desk
Above on the rooves
I heard the unmistakable sound
Of reindeer's hooves

I have no chimney
So I peered out the window
And saw Santa bungee jumping
To the ground below

I rushed down the stairs
I threw open the back door
He staggered into my kitchen
And fell flat on the floor

I helped him to a chair
And asked what he meant
For a man his age
Had no business trying such a stent

With a glimmer in his eye
He took a glass of brandy
And smiled as he sipped it
Saying: "Now that's just dandy!"

Santa got tipsy
After his daredevil jump
And the reindeer tapped their hooves
Giving the roof a thump

He finally rose to go
Assuring me he was well
He told me he was fine
This wasn't the first time he'd fell

He thanked me for the care
His face all alight
As he fished in his bag
Drawing out something bright

It was a star for the tree
The brightest I'd ever seen
It shined with wonder
Like Santa's brandy induced sheen

Then he went out
And took up his bungee cord
He called: "On Dancer! On Prancer!
Pull me back on board!"

Up, up he went
And then the sleigh flew
Over my head
Into the dark velvet blue

Santa had come
From the North Pole far
And fallen to the ground
Rattling his teeth ajar

Now he was off again
On his appointed rounds
Away from my kitchen
And these humble grounds

I held the star
And watched it twinkle
And then I thought, after the brandy,
Santa should have stayed to tinkle

He waved as he left
Smiling back in my direction
As if to thank me
For assisting with his correction

And I heard him say
As he drove out of sight
Merry Christmas, young man
You made this old elf feel all right!